03.29.01

I have a cold, I can't sleep, and there is a delightful gin and tonic in front of me right now.  The cold, however, is preventing me from actually being able to taste the drink.  Awwww Yeah--it Hurts So Good.  Speaking of "Hurts so good!", what the hell is this? Let me know if you ever figure it out.

The new song, "Some Days You Are The Horse", is unfolding crisply.  This weekend, I will post my progress and solicit you, the most precious element of the cocksocket fanbase, to give some development input.  I'll put the song up as is, and I will continue working on it, but if you have any ideas about how it should sound--well, you can make your voice heard.  As a matter of fact, you can even download an advanced preliminary copy of the first pass at a rough draft, if it tickles your fancy.  Sweet cheese, my friend, sweet cheese.

I was in Radio Shack couple of days ago, and I got this little netflix coupon for 10 free DVD rentals.  It looks like a good idea.  The code is 39228579, if you want to check it out.  I haven't yet, but I will later tonight--during the next insipid gin and tonic (T&T, as it is made with Tanqueray). 

The website has logged better than 500 visits for March.  That is what the layman calls "sweet pizza pie".  That is what the politician calls "chocolate panty sauce".  That is what the carpenter calls "moist". 

03.24.01

These tournament brackets of mine just aren't shaping up to be "winners".  I've still got a shot at breaking 50%, but even if that does happen it will be something of a hollow victory.

I've been working out a new song.  It is about how on some days you are the horse, and then on other days you are the saddle.  Everything is going well with it, and I expect to be finished in another couple of weeks--sale of this house notwithstanding.

There's been no new commentary since the Superbowl.  I started to write some compelling reviews of mediocre beers, but then Lent came to pass and the beer was right out.  However, I have heard from King Tufu, and things are looking up for the commentary-hungry among you:

I'm feeling the brewage of long gooey streams of Tufu nonsense aching to splurt out all over the place and the Cocksocket seems to be logical receptacle for it.  Tufu can get pretty comfortable when he finds an abstract and obscure space to inhabit.  It comes with the territory of being of being a twenty three dimensional being.

Not entirely unclear is it?  Don't worry, I sensed your excitement and have already provide a towel.  Was there something else?  No, I don't think so, but if there was I will get around to it later.

03.20.01

Now here's a curiosity.  I was combing through the web site logs, stroking my chin and fostering a deep sense of self satisfaction at the range of nations which have provided some traffic to the cocksocket.  That's what I was doing when I noticed that this web site had received 21 hits from a nation called Moldova.  Moldova?  Yes, that's right, Moldova.  I don't mean to belie my general geographic ignorance, but I've never heard of this country before.  So I thought I'd look it up--"Maybe it's one of those tax shelter island nations that seem to pepper Dateline and 60 Minutes 'headlines' every so often," I thought.  Alas, no.

The history of Moldova is complicated by the fact that the republic's present-day territory was not called Moldova or Moldavia until 1940.  Present-day Moldova occupies the central two-thirds of a region historically referred to as Bessarabia. For centuries the name Moldova referred to a larger area encompassing Bessarabia and stretching from the Black Sea in the south to Bukovina, a former province of Romania, in the north, and from the Siret River in the west to the Dnestr in the east.

So there's your History lesson for the month.  Study It.  Focus your minds.  Spread the word. VIVA BESSARABIA!

03.16.01

NCAA Basketball update:  After the first day of play, my picks are coming in at a paltry 44% winning.  Compare that to the RPI and Tournament Seeding results, both 56%.  The real pisser this evening, however, is the weak ass Hoosier performance.  Piss.  Nutsack. Anyway, here is the latest and greatest according to Loretta

Cocksocket has acquired a new International Headquarters located 2 miles southeast of Coshocton, Ohio.  The staff is still in the process of moving to Coshocton and becoming acquainted with our new surroundings.  So far we have found Coshocton to be quite delightful.  There is a restaurant called Robson's Restaurant & Catering.  They are open for 3 meals every day.  I think we will like it here.  And Coshocton is going to love having Cocksocket in their town.  A full assault on the rejuvenation of Cocksocket has begun.

We have added some new features that will continue to grow with the passage of time.  King TuFu's Hot Links is a new favorite of this sexually questionable reporter.  The King, as we call him around here, has compiled a list of links that are interesting, educational, and quite entertaining.  My personal favorite is the online Etch-A-Sketch or maybe the Lego Porn.  I am torn.

We are working on a new section to answer all of your questions regarding Cocksocket, life, music, and other stuff.  It will be called Ask The Experts.  We have already lined up a full complement of experts available to answer your common queries.  Answered questions will be posted on the Cocksocket site too. We have the design basically worked out; look for the implementation in early April.

The new Garageband area lets you see a few of the reviews given on Cocksocket music.  Some of the reviews are polite, some are new fans, and others are down right mean.  Later, this section may also include an area for you to post a review of your own.  We have not decided on this yet though.

I am viewing the site statistics for Cocksocket.  Looking specifically at the search strings that have brought a number of visitors to partake of some Cocksocket.  Included are the top twenty search strings.

1. amazing ass (I have one)
2. bapudi (I've heard one)
3. cocksocket (I am one)
4. a.j. soprano(I've seen one)
5. aj soprano(I've seen another)
6. amateur passions (I suppress two)
7. anal intrusions (I try to forget them all)
8. coca cola and cocaine and byproduct(I don't know)
9. coca cola byproduct (my blood is made of one)
10. doodoofication (and I need to make one)
11. Dr. Laura's perspective (I misunderstand one)
12. flog the dolphin (I will try one out)
13. girls pee standing (I may be a girl)
14. girls standing to pee (I will not pay to see one)
15. I will show you my buthole (and I will)
16. jamacian people (I am or am not one)
17. jamacian rum (I drink mine with fruit)
18. nudity on airplanes (I have been there)
19. nutsack (I keep my nuggets in one)
20. pants wetting (I will help Loretta through this)

Finally, there has been talk of a Cocksocket redesign. I am not sure of the scope or magnitude of the redesign. But the end result will be magnificent.

Learning to use a panty liner,
Loretta

03.15.01

This weekend comprises the greatest four days in all of sports.  Between now and Sunday, 48 college basketball games will be played and, no doubt, enjoyed by me, as I loaf on the sofa comforted by the hoop, the ball, the scotch, and the endless tube of Pringles in the pocket of my elbow.

Prognosticated Highlights:

GONZAGA EDGES OUT VIRGINIA!   OH YEAH!

BYU SHOCKS CINCINNATI!   NOT!

W. KENTUCKY ADVANCES TO SWEET SIXTEEN!   NOT!

BUTLER RIDES DEFENSE INTO THE GREAT EIGHT!   NOT!

INDIANA: GOODBYE MARYLAND, HELLO FINAL FOUR!   NOT!

I know how the Sports Beat is typically Loretta's realm, but the NCAA tournament is not likely to get treatment from that girlie-man who claims that "Basketball is gay" (not that there's anything wrong with that).  Anyway, s/he has been kind enough to fill in for me, and one gay turn deserves another (it's okay to joke about this kind of thing if you are gay, you know).  In any case, check out my authoritative tournament brackets.

They will be updated as play progresses.

03.13.01

I think Loretta has done a fine job filling in on such short notice.  It's been a terrific help, and a fantastic diversion.  So, let's download some applause for the girlie-man inside us all.

The Bapudi guy has been in touch.  The Bapudi guy was right decent when he added a couple of cocksocket songs to this new mp3 station, Chords of Dischord, described by the master as "Dischordian flim-flam and Dobbsian horseradish".  If you go there, have a listen to No Need To Get Stupid, and (the new classic "featured" song) I Couldn't Believe It.

I've added and updated a couple of site sections.  Check out some of the Garageband Feedback.  I'll be updating this section regularly over the next couple of weeks.  Also, King Tufu's HotLinks is now in full effect--at least for the time being.  King Tufu sent word "on a personal note".  I have decided to share it with the rest of humanity, considering that what is personal for King Tufu ought to be personal for all persons.  And here is a little slice of poetry from His Majesty:

The order of organica
Is toothy like Tyrranica
I read of in Brittanica
Perused from my cabanaca

03.08.01

Loretta is filling in again. Good Loretta. Nice Loretta. Sweet, tasty Loretta. Check out updates to Matt's Sports Beat and King Tufu's HotLinks. What Loretta has to say:

Since you have been to busy to comment on Napster I did it for you.  That should set you straight and narrow.  I have a large cup on my desk.  It is a cup meant for drinking, not for wearing during sporting events.  Although, I may wear it to my next sporting event.  This cup would produce a serious bulge.

Napster is in trouble.

The courts ruled that Napster must stop the trading of copyrighted music within 72 hours after receiving a list of copyrighted music.  I see at least four problems with that portion of the ruling alone.

1. If each record company makes a list of copyrighted material, and they happen to forget some obscure artist, does that mean that artist must sue Napster individually?

2. If each record company makes a list of copyrighted material, listing each individual song, and they happen to forget some obscure song, does that mean that artist must sue Napster individually?

3. If each record company list each song and each artist does that mean that bootleg copies of old shit done by an artist, before they had signed a record deal, is also off limits? Or does each artist have to sue Napster individually?

4. Who do they really think they are going to stop? There are hundreds of sites to trade music.  There are also some non-internet dial-up rings to trade music.  The technology is available to make this happen.

I have heard that record sales since the beginning of Napster have actually increased.  Does the demise of Napster mean a slump in record sales?  The whole situation is fucked up and the real solution has yet to rear its ugly head.  Lucky for you, Cocksocket songs are not copyrighted and therefore still able to be traded at Napster and any other site you can find (won't be hard) to trade music.

I look for a Napster type of site to open up the same day the injunction takes effect.  This site will use the existing Napster software but be run by someone else.  Then the whole battle will start again.  So don't uninstall Napster from your system.  The software will make a return.

Unsure about the tingling in my left nut,
Loretta

03.03.01

Everybody knew it was coming and now it is here.  This is the next installment of Cocksocket update according to Loretta.

It's 5:00 am and I have found a new Internet toy to replace that which does not exist in my dull life, searching Ebay for "available" domain names.  Here is a list of names that are available at the time of this writing: 

www.hotstudsxxx.com
I passed on this golden opportunity

www.daleearhardt.com
The dude claims he gets mad hits even though it's misspelled

www.38-24-36.com
I can't believe that the jerk freaks would type in all of that

www.vjesuschrist.com
(Virtual Jesus Christ)
This guy is going to hell

www.timeismoney.com
Only asking $30,000.00 for this wet piece of shit

www.myvending.net
Who in the hell is looking for this site?

www.californiasfruit.com
I would like to venture a guess towards this guys sexual orientation

www.iowashogs.com
I thought about buying this one but my lack of interest changed my mind

www.webfuk.com
This peach is going for a mere $1,500.00
"BUY IT NOW for $10,000.00"

And then there are various "Rare 3 letter domains!" or "Rare 4 letter domains". The problem with these is that no human, outside of a coma, would imagine these 3 or 4 letters and numbers in succession. They may be rare but they are not coherent. Ebay is a fine tool; unfortunately it also allows the mentally challenged douche bags that try to sell shit like this onto the site to stifle the useful auction items.

That is all for now. I will return next week (if needed) if the Captain is still on maximus vacationus.

Love It In The Love Tunnel,
Loretta

02.28.01

Today is the last day of February and the first day of Lent, and there are many things afoot.  This week has seen the death of my studio bench, which was one trying and traumatic consequence of the moving out process.

About 2 years ago, I decided to organize and refresh my studio.  I bought some extra quarter-inch cables, new strings for the guitar, and about a hundred dollars worth of plywood and pine, with which I constructed an elaborate and sexy housing for the 4-tracks, mixer, studio computer, receiver, tape deck, turntables, television, and keyboards.  If it sounds like this complement of equipment would require a sizable bench, well then you heard right.  I probably put about forty hours of work into it over the course of a week.  I built the first section in the garage; the second and third were constructed in the front room, where the air was conditioned to stave off the irrepressible heat that was sweeping through Richmond at the time.  I moved each of the three cubic sections upstairs into the studio, where I finished by bolting on several layers of 1-inch plywood.  It was quite a task, but in every way a labor of love (well not in every way, but in most non-sexual ways).

This past week, as we packed up and painted the studio, it became clear that the magical bench would not be able to stay in the room; nor would it be able to leave the room intact.  And so, I took a hammer and a saw, and a chisel, and a borderline amount of agression and frustration and decimated my precious creation.  It was actually a lot of fun, and my biggest regret is not having captured either the construction or the deconstruction on film to share with my massive fans, my massive fanbase, or my massive friend Loretta.  So it goes.  The need for a new studio will no doubt arise shortly, and I will again play out my role as benchmaster.  And when that day comes, I will get it all on tape.

So Lent is on, and even though I'm not particularly Catholic, I generally give something up anyway.  Self denial is a great institution, insofar as it sucks.  But, you know, in a good way.  I've given up meat quite a few times.  Two years ago I gave up coffee, and last year I gave up cigarettes and alcohol.  Yeah.  It's going to be hard to top last year.  This year I'm going for coffee and beer--or rather I'm not going for coffee or beer.  Whatever.  Coffee and beer are out.  But really this year's going to be cake, on account of how Sundays aren't technically part of Lent.  In a way I feel scandalized by this detail, but on the other hand I can get to it.  I thought this web site had some nice thoughts on the tradition:

By denying ourselves something we enjoy, we discipline our wills so that we are not slaves to our pleasures. Just as indulging the pleasure of eating leads to physical flabbiness and, if this is great enough, an inability to perform in physically demanding situations, indulging in pleasure in general leads to spiritual flabbiness and, if this is great enough, an inability to perform in spiritual demanding situations, we when the demands of morality require us to sacrifice something pleasurable (such as sex before marriage or not within the confines of marriage) or endure hardship (such as being scorned or persecuted for the faith). By disciplining the will to refuse pleasures when they are not sinful, a habit is developed which allows the will to refuse pleasures when they are sinful. There are few better ways to keep one's priorities straight than by periodically denying ourselves things of lesser priority to show us that they are not necessary and focus our attention on what is necessary.

Okay.  Maybe this isn't the most lucid description, but the notion is alright.  Anyway, it's getting late, and there is ever more work to be done.  Loretta may be filling in again soon, so send her some email of encouragement.

02.27.01

I have, at the Captain's request, taken the time to write this Cocksocket site update. I know nothing about the status of this site except to say "It is not fresh".  I spoke with the Captain Saturday and he has given me the moving update.

Stina is forcing him [editors note: "no, no, baby. That ain't really true. I'd be doing it anyway, even if you weren't around"], against his will, to devote all free time to cleaning and prepping the house for sale.  This leaves the Cocksocket fan in a bit of an odd place since we are used to weekly updates on the ins and outs of running a socket for a cock.

That is the update.  Now on to my personal notes.

I have been studying the stats page for Cocksocket and have noticed that only about 1/10 of viewers are entering my portion of the site.  This not good.  Did you other 9/10 of the viewers know that I now have a theme song playing on page load?  Shit is updated here so pay attention to it.

I have been learning about cascading style sheets lately and have learned this much so far:  style sheets are the coolest fucking things you can add to your site. To learn more on style sheets visit:

HTMLGOODIES.COM   Good all around info with tons of how-tos

Forever Yours,
Loretta

02.16.01

Reports of Napster's death have been greatly understated.  I've been an avid user of the service for months now.  When you get something efficient like mp3 compression together with something fast like broadband internet access, and then throw in something absolutely revolutionary like P2P file sharing, you have a recipe for sweetness and light.  There were nights when Stina didn't come to bed until 7:30 in the morning, all bleary-eyed, dazed, and much richer in the ways of mp3s.

We probably socked away close to 3,000 songs over the last year, and let me tell you it was not in any particular protest to the record labels.  It was not because we felt that the artists were overpaid sacks of jelly.  Not even (and I do so hate to admit this) because we wanted to confront and destroy those overarching, overbearing, overplayed notions of intellectual property.  It was just a case of "Holy Shit! I can download these things just about as fast as I can imagine what I want to hear".

But I've got to tell you, ever since the Bertelsmann deal, Napster changed.  Suddenly there were songs that were not available for download.  The number of nodes and files stagnated--although, even today, I can go download some Britney Spears or Ween.  In fact, it looks like the numbers of users on the system right now is about double where it has been for the last few months.  Tonight, half a week after the ruling, there are about 10,000 libraries comprising 1.8 million files.  But what I want to know is, if Harry Banks is correct when he says that there are 50 million registered Napster users, why are there rarely more than 5,000 chuckleheads on at any given time?  That's like one-tenth of one-tenth of one percent of all the "registered" Napsterites.

Further, last October we could barely sign onto a Napster server before being deluged with download requests.  The traffic got so heavy that we had to take a big part of our library offline.  But today, we get like 2 downloads an hour.  I've been on for an hour tonight, and the only upload action I've seen is one poor bastard trying (unsuccessfully) to get himself a Kim Mitchell song, "I Am A Wild Party".  I don't know with any certainty what this means, but it could be that Napster is more like a closed system than we originally thought.  With 10,000 nodes and 1.8 million files means 180 files per user--and as far as I can tell there is no material amount of file exchanging going on.

On a different note, another garageband review of Alone was delivered yeasterday.  Based on this I'd call him a cheerleader:

Definitely Fascinating -- Sufferin' Space Pizazz! What on this planet could have found the air to contribute to such a whirlwind of ideas. These sounds, often dazzling, could have only been from the likes of some odd mathematician with a lot of time on their hands. Definitely Fascinating.

As I looked through his other reviews, I found that this dude never has a negative word for anybody.  Still and all, I consider him my newest fan.  Whoopity Doo!

I've been doing a lot to get the house in shape to sell.  That's not giving me much free time, although I'm not letting anything cut into my "me" time.  Updates to this site are going to be pretty subspersive for the next month or two.  Call it vacation or something.  This amazing house of Organica has been getting a fair amount of traffic from sketchzilla, an interesting little take on grafitti, collage, and publishing.  Heard about it from detritus.  I've been adding lots of CockSocket nuggets there and the masses have driven forth in droves.  One thing that bothers me though, this page cannot be viewed with Netscape.  It's a situation I'd like to rectify, and one which a sketchzilla viewer aptly noted with this well-crafted, wry observation:

note to cocksocket fuck: your page doesn't draw in netscape. i run mac and linux. do you suck bill gates dick or what? does he pay your for it?

It's cool though, because I tracked him down and kicked his ass.

02.12.01

There have been some technical difficulties with updating and finalizing Matt's Sports Beat.  Matt has provide some words of wisdom on the XFL, and some wistful nostalgia on the 2000-2001 NFL Sports Beat Season.  The updates are coming.

I've refreshed some of the featured crap, including the link, musician, and quote.  Make sure to enjoy all of that and all of that.  Also, this thing called sketchzilla is quite entertaining...I recommend this one

My investigations into beer superiority / inferiority continue, with a recent comparison of Michelob Amber Bock and Southpaw Light.  I believe that all of the beer-style intelligence I am gathering will soon be built into a hard-hitting journalistic perquisition of sort.  Yeah.  I'll get to that eventually too.

Well enough about CockSocket, what about IUMA?  It's just a doggone dirty shame what's happened to everybody's favorite storage locker.  Oh the memories!  The humanity!  This site has been a real gem, the last bastion for the storage of my cover tunes, and anything else remotely close to offending the sensibilities of the copyright-minded mp3.com.  It's not a total wash yet, as made clear in some of the email from Jeff Patterson et. al.:

As the Internet revolutionizes the way music is distributed, independent artists have gained unprecedented access to fans throughout the world.  Unfortunately, it hasn't come without costs.  This has been a hard time for Internet music companies as the rules that govern what we do change on a daily basis.  Many of our competitors and peers are either going out of business or dealing with myriads of lawsuits waged against them.  No one seems to be making it through this tough time unscathed, IUMA included.

Well, what can you say about that? Let's all just take a step back, dry our eyes, and download a moment of silence for the excellence that was I.U.M.A. Okay then, as you were.

02.04.01

Cocksocket has passed safely into the realm of narcopop, which places "stringent quality control standards" on the sites for which they host links.  I looked through the narcopop site a couple of nights ago, and it seems like a pretty good thing.  You can explore a couple of hundred links to artist sites, or weed through a couple of forums, although there's not a lot of discussion going on there.  The site is run by a company called Tangent Web Design.  I'm not really sure what their interest is here.

I've been fishing through the mid-to-low priced beer segment of my local Winn-Dixie, looking for that holy grail of a beer that tastes as good as Bass, but costs as little as Bud.  The beer selection at the Winn-Dixie is piss poor to begin with, but given the limited options that can still be called "convenient", I have made some discoveries about the underpriced layer of the beer industry.  First of all, anything at or below 6 cents per ounce tastes like beer, only with chemical or fecal additives.  However, given the choice between Yuengling lager, Michelob beer, Pabst Blue Ribbon, and Rolling Rock Extra Pale, Yuengling stands out as the premier peanut in the turd.  Rolling Rock is easily the worst of the four.  In any case, I've got my crack team of experts here at cocksocket headquarters designing and testing beers with the explicit intention of answering the age-old question:

Which Beer Will I Be Drinking Tonight?

02.03.01

It is late right now, very late.  In fact it is Saturday morning, and I can't sleep.  I've spent a lot of time on mp3.com tonight, listening to some random songs.  I started a station, called Finger Sauce Extravaganza, which is basically a collection of the better, more peppery songs I have encountered.  All of them strike me as the sorts of thing that I might have done, had I been more prolific, outfitted, or sedated.  I've also been making the web page there look more like the web page here.

I stumbled across a few interesting links, like Nintari, Narcopop, Super Bad, Radio 1, Linkdup, Skam Records, and NASA20.  These are worth a look, particularly if you can't sleep and have some extra time to spend eeking out the extra mustard--if you know what I mean (and I don't think you do).

01.31.01

I an unusually happy, ecstatic if you will, yet there is no real reason for it.  I'm no more productive than usual, but I have the irrepressible sense that I can get anything done.  I've been getting up very early, but have an indefatigable spirit.  So anyway, that's what it is.

Matt has delivered a summation of his NFL game-picking experience, which has become the new featured commentary.  Here's what he had to say about it:

I made this special Sports Beat after seeing the [h]omage you have paid to my picks.  I feel so touched that I may weep.  WEEP! All done weeping.

Matt's commentary is so important, in fact, that I have take the liberty of presenting 3 different versions.  The first is given as he wrote it.  The second is an English translation of the Italian translation of what he originally wrote in English.  The third is an English translation of the German translation of what he originally wrote.  Mind boggling? Let's hear it for the dictionary translator!

A couple of new reviews have come through garageband.  There was a good one for Alone:

I like the feel and the sounds.  The r[h]ythm changes from minimal to bassy are really effective.  You might think about editing this down a bit in running time for immediacy and impact.  The male vs. female vocal is great but I need to hear it sooner.

There was another fine review for Chocolate Syrup Panty Hose:

Interesting....  I liked the lyrics.  This song was pretty experimental, so I don't know if the poor recording was intended or not.  If it wasn't, I'd re-record it, and maybe work on the verse melody a bit.  BTW I liked the "chocolate panty hose" line! The visual was outstanding, and it made me laugh! Thanks!

And I say to you, sir, as I say to all my people--no, no, thank YOU.

Finally, It appears that cocksocket has made onto it's 9^th mp3.com "radio" station.  This time the distinction is dubious, yet gratifying in some sense.  Therefore, check out Love Ballad To Tabitha Soren on The Blowjob Mixtape.

01.27.01

Well, this is it.  The Super Bowl is tomorrow.  Matt began this NFL season with grand designs.  By picking tomorrow's game correctly, he will have reached 54.90% correct; otherwise he slips to 52.94%.  Even if this is well below his stated goal of 80%, who can really call these results "substandard" or "weak at best" or "wussy-style girly-man action"?  Week in and week out Matt had the courage, the audacity to lay it all on the line.  Game after punishing game, through the glory and the turpitude, with the eyes of the world upon him, Matt fearlessly made his calls.  He gave not an inch, budged for no one.  Only once did he refuse to present a Sports Beat, but he never gave out less than he got, and he never settled for second best.  So send your words of support, and review the glory that has been Matt's Sports Beat.

I was running through the site logs, and it appears that someone conducted a search for "gold bond masturbate" and, as a result, found himself (or herself) at this site.  Now, what I want to know is whether cocksocket was able to satisfy that person's request for "gold bond masturbate" knowledge.  If you're out there, please drop us a line and let us know.

As noted earlier, cocksocket is moving out of the brick.  The new headquarters will be located very near by in a small apartment.  The new place will come with DSL service, but the studio itself will have to be relegated to a small corner of the extra bedroom.  All of this is expected to transpire at the beginning of March, so expect some disruption in site updates and new music generation until then.

Oh yeah, speaking of new music generation, check out the new featured song, "Twelve Seconds", generated especially for the music generation.

01.19.01

I (and when I say "I" I mean Matt) was browsing around with my homey and happened upon nutsack.com.  This is a cheerful little site with squirrels swinging nuts.  I believe this to be the [2^nd] most influential site on the web.

01.18.01

Everything is getting crazy and moving fast.  Like myself. I too will be moving fast.  It's been a great run here at the Brick, but due to an unbelievably elaborate complement of developments, both reasonable and emotional, we're moving out.  Fast.  Don't worry though, other things are happening everywhere and all at once.  And if you don't hear from me soon, you will hear from me later.

As for sports and beats, Matt and I have resolved our titanic conflict and laid to rest all the discord and frustration that has come to a head here at the end of this hard fought season of football picking skills.

Here.  You win.  I can see now that I am easily replaced.  I will obey from now to eternity.

However valid and earnest the opposing ideologies may have been, nothing was being compromised other than your impressionable minds.  So here it is, the final NFL edition of Matt's Sports Beat.

Finally, for what it is worth, I am pretty sure that any traffic moving through Garageband is not listening to music.  Probably just checking for new reviews like me.  So I engage you now, in the name of all that is saucy and delicious, for the sake of all that which bolsters the wickerwork upon which our fair society rests, to go out and review some independent music.

01.13.01

Matt and I have become entangled in an old-fashioned Mexican Style Standoff.  I confess that I am to blame in all of this, but Matt's proposed solution will do little more than exercise his wrath on you, the people.  To wit:

You suck! I have stood near the mailbox everyday for the last 3 months awaiting the arrival of my personalized Cocksocket cd.  And still I wait.  Today I purchased a surround sound system for my computer and have just now, by shelling out my own money, realized the depth in which these songs can bellow from.

Yes, my system was purchased from [Circuit City] at a more than fair price, however, it is still WACK that I can only get my groove on from the confines of my office.

For this reason I am withholding the Sports Beat for this week and all weeks following, until my cd has arrived.  I hate to be such a hard ass but the multi-national conglomerate of Cocksocket has left me with no choice.  (I am also tired of being totally wrong on every game I pick).

I hope that this, and the no doubt countless other requests for cds, will bring Cocksocket to the conclusion that there is no other choice but to satisfy it's fans.

Regretfully,
Loretta

So, although I am clearly at fault in this matter, it would nevertheless be unconscionable for me to inflict my inadequacies also on you, by depriving you of the standard weekly sports insight that has become the hallmark of all that is done here among the organica.  And so, in short, and without further ado, in the tradition of Ruth's Chris Steak House, cocksocket proudly presents Ben's Matt Sports Beat.  And rest assured that I will send the cd sooner than humanly possible (or thereabouts).

01.11.01

Greetings from beneath the Earth.  The middle of the apple sauce.  The top of the line.  Have I mentioned before how The Daily Show is the best program on television?  Well, it is.  The most important television program--ever.

Uncle Dougly has given in to whim, whimsy, and incessant badgering, and has agreed to write some kind of music review action for the sake of the socket.  That is good of him, as his acumen warrants special attention, while our content is, in general, somewhat lacking in substance.  Whoopity Doo!

I often wonder what it is that brings somebody to the cocksocket web site.  Through the miracle of modern tracking systems, I can devine what search terms somehow yield hyperlinks to this, the humblest abode of organica.  For example, try searching for "amazing ass" on lycos, or "turtle head poop" on google (like the 35^th result).  It's all good, and (with patience perhaps) it will all lead you to here.

Sustained silence on the fussball front.  Now, we don't want to give it to him too straight, or with too may jeers, but Matt's playoff divinations are not nearly as stellar as his regular-season, bad-ass self.  Hovering at 25% for the playoffs, his picks for this weekend are eagerly anticipated.

I have encountered a notable Napster slowdown over the course of the last couple of weeks.  I'm currently sharing about 400 files, but I am almost never uploading.  Three months ago, within 30 seconds of signing on, I would have had 4 or 5 folks already downloading songs.  And if that's not enough, Christina has reported no fewer than 4 (relatively mainstream) songs that she could not even find in her searches.  The situation, as A. J. Soprano might say, is "all dicked up".

That's just about all.  I have added a recent Discover Magazine solicitation to the crap.  Sometimes mass customization can be sooooo easy ...

01.05.01

Mainly, Matt has checked in with a "brand new for the New-Year" Sports Beat.  It is Friday night and, at Toby's behest, I have decided not to launder until tomorrow at the earliest.  All else is basically quiet here.

I intend on introducing music and film reviews here shortly.  My main inspiration for instituting the reviews comes from here.  Please feel free to send in reviews of whatever music and films you have been enjoying.  Also, in connection with the forthcoming criticism, I am working up a couple of covert "media projects".  The music leg will be called the Gigabeat Project, while the movie leg will be referred to as Project Divx.  I don't really want to get into the specifics of either of these projects, as the details are not yet finalized--nor even fully conceived.  However, I hope to outline the basic premises over the course of the coming week.

Another interesting review came in through Garageband this week.  The new assessment, of the song It's Twelve O'Clock, Otto, is not as flattering as the review Lison gave for CSPH.  Potts nevertheless does make some good points:

Not Fuct Enough

OK I know where fuckers are coing from.  Kinda Headcoatish/old Buthole Surfer shit.  But damn this is a high school blues riff.  REALY BORING!  The lyric aren't funny enough to carry the boring blues riff.  I like the ending.  You should have done more shit like that through out the song.  The song needs more Fucktupness.  From the sounds of you guys you know what I mean.